For each one of us life is a process and if we are fortunate we pay attention and work it step-by-step and day-by-day. Since my 29-year-old daughter Lisa died suddenly on April 1, 2008 all of the things I knew or lived before became more precious and real and I paid attention to my healing and awakening process.
I continue to learn to take care of me better each day as I breakthrough and have
unfolded from the cocoon of extreme loss, grief and pain into a new being of deeper love than I ever imagined. Each step is monumental to accomplish. Many have told me they are amazed at how well I accept and process all aspects of what has occurred and faced life and death and keep choosing new life. For me it is the only way to live and move into new purpose and possibilities.
Life is less painful and more luscious and alive. Living Be The Medicine as a path to freedom, health and co-creation has inspired me to deepen my walk and help others along the way. Especially during this time of deep healing for all of us, I know when I help me I am helping many. If I do not care for myself others suffer. It is the same for all of us.
This week I am claiming my sexy back. Having grown my long blond locks into a full shiny mane I realized that there was nothing sexy about my hair. Some men might disagree but I knew I needed a new lighter, shorter more fun “do” to feel and look sexy.
I remember looking at myself in the mirror after I was out and met people a few weeks after Lisa died. They had been in my Real Estate life and I saw me through their eyes and it was scary. I saw the pain and sadness and utter disconnection to me in the mirror. It has been a process of deep healing and reclaiming me these past three and a half years and I used it to heal all of me and live more fully each day as I could.
Letting go of much my sexy began long before that when I began as a Spiritual teacher feeling it was important to hide that in me in order to help others. Sexual energy is spiritual energy and some people confuse it. I had seen that occur with many teachers and students who crossed boundaries and did not want that to occur.
The Ancient and some modern spiritual mastery texts speak of using the sexual energy to heal and deepen your spiritual path. I know for me I did not want to get sidetracked as a single woman.
Now I realize by not being fully me, even the sexy parts, I am not able to fully offer what I have for people. You can be sexy without being provocative and flirty. Sexy is used in advertising to mean being attractive and fun drawing peoples interest.
Sex has a bad wrap in this puritanical country of the USA. I am sure this is why it is such a problem and there is a trade pact and power play in sexual relationships. Sex is a natural part of life and when all of its difficult beliefs and fears are removed, it is a connection to the divine as well.
To feel sexy is to feel alive. This does not mean tight or scant clothing it means letting your light shine through all of you for the purpose of full being.
My hairdresser is an Italian, professional artist and a straight man. Who better assist me to get my sexy back and understand what I mean? He is also married and on a spiritual path of discovery and feels his purpose is to create beauty one person at a time.
Tuesday I went into his shop and when he came to my chair I told him I had a surprised for him. I gave him complete freedom to create a masterpiece and told him I was not in a rush so have fun, this was music to his ears and I knew it. He was dressed in beret and fun casual clothing, unusual for me to see him this way, he usually dresses a bit more urban and professional. His air of fun that day was a perfect mood for my mission.
Sexy was my focus but also free, light and fun. He said sexy was his inspiration and he began to work. Clipping and cutting in many directions we talked and I mostly let go and watched him play and work.
Every experience in our life can be special and art if we see it that way. Being an artist at life is my focus by being free and appreciating each moment and the possibilities it brings. I love to encourage the artist in everyone and have fun as we share the expression of us.
My first college major was Fashion Merchandising and I modeled at 28 and danced on stage, so I like fashion and fun. I had hidden beneath some added weight and not so stylish clothes on and off over the years since I began teaching. In the past six months I have been working to fully inhabit my body as the last of my healing unfolded.
Working out, yoga and more walking all feel amazing. Eating better and less, as I used to, also brings more shine and bounce to my step. Dressing more stylishly has been fun. Our hair is our crowning glory, and as a Leo with quite a mane it was appropriate.
All of us go through stages and years where we hide our light in different ways for different reasons. Instead of judging you, allow yourself to move through these stages and bring you back breath-by-breath and celebrate you and the process. Embrace where you are at and keep focusing on healing and making all of your life and relationships better.
Life is a play with many acts to live through.
Enjoy the Journey,
Be The Medicine, Live the Power of You!
PS. When I met with my apprentice group this week the first thing they said was…. sexy. I wore stylish clothing and make up, as I had recently added, and with new hair the look was complete and I am back! Salvatore Minardi of NYC and Madison NJ, thank you – we did it!