THE JOURNEY TO BE THE MEDICINE
Twenty years ago I discovered my path, calling and soul lineage of being a Shaman. I did not really know what that meant and my life unfolded to show me. One phrase often spoken about in this tradition all over the world is that you have to go down to the hollow bone of you letting all else go.
In these years, I did let so much of my life and who I thought I was go. I followed my heart on a very wild ride of a journey in and outside of me. Living a life of a successful Realtor to walk the path of a Shaman was and is not the norm.
My spiritual life was full and I had so much to remember and learn, teach and heal. Living the path to Be The Medicine made sense as a Shaman. Shamans are known to heal themselves.
I was also guided to study with masters of many spiritual, healing and religious traditions and to discover self-healing and remember higher truths on all levels of being.
BREAKING THE RULES AND BEING BROKEN
Sometimes I take breaking through boundaries of the world, mind, and heart for granted and then remember it was not so easy. I am a warrior at it. My life has been so challenging that it has been a learned survival into thriving process since I was a small child. I realized the truth of deciding to experience, learn and face what is and move through it, was the way to love, truth, health, happiness and freedom. Nothing else was more important. This was my journey to wholeness and my passion. Balancing this with family and relationships and work challenged me to grow more.
I understand and experience living in the world and not of it. Giving up the fear, guilt and judgment that I grew up with was a major step. In doing this I was breaking away from my former life and a silent pact with my family and many humans to be victim to manmade roles, rules, control and negative blueprints and energies that rule our lives.
Love is the answer and I live that more each day. Miracle healings of self and others and deeper and deeper peace and joy continue to unfold. It was a choice to follow this path. It was as full of challenge as the adventures of Indiana Jones, which is representative of the hat I wear in the photo of me.
We have to defy death to find new life. Death of the ego, attachment, desire, fear and many of the things that people cling to, to define themselves is important. We are so much more, and there are a lot of clever quotes about this. Living it is a whole new disciplined journey and worth the ride. It is like going through the eye of the needle and walking a narrow path that is also spoken about. It is our nature to find truth and balance and yet we must overcome a focus on fear and chose a better life each step of the way.
Sharing this journey with as many people as possible while I was going deeper each day has been a precious gift and a wild ride, rewarding and fun, challenging and far from easy. It is the life I chose and continue choosing every day. Everything I learned and healed from attracted the people who were going through similar experiences as I could Be The Medicine for them.
As StraightArrow I am called to make it clear, simple, easy and direct. Fun and laughter along the way is my rule. Truth unfolds with love, light and joy, and not a judgmental focus.
I dive right into the abyss over and over again instead of holding back, and have been thrown there too, like with Lisa’s passing and other life changing losses. I found that I get bumped and bruised and still get up and land on my feet immediately or after a long journey of being smashed to small pieces and putting the pieces of me back together better than I was before.
Living a life in many realities has had its own learning to bridge heaven on earth. It was frightening at times, and yet I always felt held and guided by my team of spiritual support and earth angels and myself.
THE DEEPER JOURNEY
Four years ago today I felt ready to bring this work out in its completion. My inner guidance told me there was more healing for me to do and I could not imagine that I still had to wait. I had just rented a new space in Morristown, NJ for our healing and Learning Center and had a great group of people gathering to work with me. All was good.
Ten days later my youngest daughter Lisa died suddenly and my journey with her and myself in living through this transition took me to the hollow bone I had heard about. She came to me the moment of her death and after. I learned this brave young woman was a master herself and we have been each other’s healer-teacher and loved one another through this process these past four years.
I was with her in other dimensions of reality after she died and I was also here for almost three years before I brought all of myself back here as one last winter. It was amazing to be split consciously and I have much to share about this time. I helped Lisa as she helped me. I experienced two life reviews as if I had died, and many worlds in the heavens. I learned that life after death is a continuation of this life without the pain, suffering and drama unless you insist on holding onto those.
Lisa showed me worlds I had never seen before and a true knowing of ever lasting life and love. As I kept letting her go from this world I saw how she never left. My body and life here was shattered beyond anything I ever imagined.
As a mother on earth I was going through extreme trauma and death on many levels of myself. Somehow I had to walk this earth life and support myself in all ways. Earth angels beginning with my ex-husband stepped in. We healed our wounds through this time and found a unified family unit in all of our households including our oldest daughters.
I was going through so much and yet because I could still walk and talk many took for granted that I was okay and should function normally and just be sad. I was amazed at how unconscious people were and realized how if we have not been through it we do not know. I selected people to work and be friends with who were more open to being conscious and doing their work co-creatively instead of pulling on me unnecessarily, which I knew would take me out.
For most of my life I was in charge and was used to the role of supporting and giving to others. Learning to receive was a priceless gift. Having strict boundaries kept me safe.
Being the oldest child in a home where daddy was always sick and in and out of hospitals and work, mom needed me for a backup on all levels. In my marriage I ran our home and family and helped support my husband grow a company. It was how it was and made me capable and strong. Since my divorce in the mid-eighties I had been head of household, mother, successful entrepreneur, and ran a healing center and worked with thousands of people on profound levels, and took it all for granted.
People took me for granted because I did. I pushed and pushed and had enormous energy and resources inside of me. With this death of my daughter, I could no longer do this and had to let that go and find the strength to first survive.
It was time to give up the role of caregiver to others and give it all to me. I learned to allow others to give to and support me. It was the greatest gift of life – learning to receive and allowing me to be vulnerable. It was something I practiced and learned and taught over and over again and now it was total and I needed all of my focus to live.
I was so honored and blessed by the many students and healing professionals who showed their love for me and helped in all ways. Family and friends from days past reached out to me and I was so blessed. I had been guided to move in with an elderly friend a few months before, and I was not sure why and was grateful I trusted and followed through. I had cared for her for many years when others did not and now she was there to support me.
I saw how grateful people were to be of service, especially those people who I had given so much to. They could give back and feel good to help to me. To receive such love and generosity was golden and humbled me more. Before this time I had wondered why so much was going out and not so much coming back and now I realized how being so capable blocked people.
DEALING WITH DEATH AND DYING
My father died slowly over the first 20 years of my life and I learned a lot and have since healed many of my wounds from that great loss and pain of his precious life and death. By the time that Lisa died, I had lived and studied and knew a lot about all of the cycles of life and what we go though and are challenged by in life, loss and death. In this time after Lisa’s passing I was vigilant to stay healthy and alive and live out my life, which can be challenged when a mother loses a child.
I felt the physical ripping of her from my body and womb for months after she died and the many levels of her being removed from this dimension. I was raw and in millions of pieces, and yet I walked on. I learned true self-care and nurturing and stayed with myself every step of the way.
Some people, mostly family, encouraged me to go back to work quickly. The soul level work I do requires complete presence and I was not in a safe place. I knew I was not here, and I needed to be held dear like a newborn babe in a nursery setting in a bassinette, not thrown out into a world that had little meaning on and off as I healed and brought myself back. I could not afford to give out my precious shattered energy to anyone.
Healing was my journey, and a long one. I learned true process as I walked step by step each day. We are expected to go back to work and our life, as it was as if we were just recovering from a cold, or something minor occurred. Except our life will never be the same and we know not how to carry on without our loved one until we recover from the shock and pain and learn to heal.
In our culture there is no death leave and there should be. Being self-employed it did not matter. I sold things to have money to take the time I needed off.
My process these years has been a true testament to the work I have gathered and taught as I watched and participated in my process to learn more. Living what I teach at deeper and deeper levels kept me alive and helped me to rebuild the millions of pieces that shattered that day.
When I went back to work I was present for an hour or a day or two and then took time off to heal. Helping people did help both of us. I had to be gentle with me and taught people to be gentle with themselves. I realized how tender we all are more than ever. This process in awareness made me more compassionate and loving each day.
Understanding this deep process of healing took me to the root level and understanding how to heal and rebuild, heal and rebuild, heal and appreciate the process and not rush it.
I was living in a grace filled space and in gratitude every moment. At the same time I was also railing at my daughters death and the way this world works and cried rivers.
Nature was my safe sacred space, and I took solace daily in sunrise and sunset at a local park at a lake beach. Meditating on a jetty and communing with the swans, trees, sky and earth and other birds and small animals were a comfort too. Walking in nature grounded me.
Every day these four years has been focused on healing, learning and abundant living. My losses of family and business and security that I gave up in this process helped me to become stronger and heal more. As a Heyoka Shaman I learn and transform through adversity and joy. What else do we heal but those things that challenge us?
As bad as things became, I never felt over whelmed or defeated. I was amazed at how many things in a life can fall apart at once and watched, healed and surrendered more. I let go of attachments to things I never imagined possible. Some weeks it was not just grief, but more people and circumstances, that continually fell apart, and I just surrendered.
We are all students in this life. The world, our body and all of the experiences we have, are opportunities to learn, grow and become better at navigating, loving, living, giving, healing and receiving in the process.
The most glorious thing is that when we let go, it is the mental constructs, beliefs and rules in our head, and our fear based control that is surrendered. We are not that. I teach people that it is important to stay aware and let go and surrender to more, and not give up. I open my hands up to the sky and relax them out in peace to illustrate how it works.
Everything is changing every moment for all of us. It is important to relax into change instead of steeling ourselves against it. Whatever life throws us; we can move with, learn from, and transform.
I worked through subtle pieces of memories and traumas, beliefs and agreements daily. This was where the deeper wounding and healing was. I was not a victim, and this helped me to stay neutral and keep perspective so that I could heal. It is important for you to see where you are unknowingly playing victim in your life; this keeps you trapped in being wounded.
When we know we are choosers and fully capable, even in our darkest shattered times, we can pull through and rebuild ourselves from a stronger place. In each healing I did for myself, I opened up older places from earlier times in my life that I was hurt and healed those as well. I needed to break down to break out, and I choose to work it until I was fully functioning and at peace.
At several points I experienced inner dialogue about wanting to die. As tough as things were I knew I wanted to live. I had long ago learned that the thoughts in my head were not me, so I tracked back and found the origin of these thoughts and released them, and my mind and life was quiet and clear again.
I am grateful that I followed my souls calling to be the Shaman that I am and develop myself so that when Lisa died I could understand, learn, experience and know reality and life on these many levels of experience, help her and myself and teach others too.
These past four years since Lisa left earth reality have been the most horrible and most loving and rich of my life so far. All that I learned in my process has been invaluable. The tenacity and courage to break through all of the pain and illusions day by day have given me real deep experiences to help others.
Yesterday was Lisa’s 33rd year anniversary of her birth and she told me there was no need to be sad and thanked me for my love and support and asked me to celebrate her and us. April 1 is the anniversary of her leaving this world for the beyond, and again I celebrate her as the amazing soul who has chosen to travel this path with me consciously.
I also appreciate and celebrate every part of the process. The simplest things like enjoying the fact that I can face and feel like doing things like washing the dishes, has been one of the surprising wonders I appreciate. Each step of participating and showing up in my life meant that I was healed more and coming back. We take so much for granted in our lives, until we cannot.
There is always more to heal and learn… and this is life. If we do not heal, we break down and die piece by piece. I am encouraged to see the organic nature of my process be strong when I stay the course and face the pain and do the deeper work. Healing is instantaneous when you align with the divine nature of all
At nearly sixty, I am happy, healthy and free of many of the pains of mind and body attachments I had before. I am more conscious, aware, athletic, loving, caring and also protective of the precious resource of me. My yes’s and no’s are strong and clear. This allows freedom and all possibilities to unfold that are aligned with me as I easily let others go.
Today I feel more me than ever and look forward to a powerful new journey unfolding as I bring out the work I have developed and shared for most of my life.
The first step is to choose to thrive with every breath of your being and to love yourself through the challenges to the solutions. Honor you and do not take anything or anyone for granted that will always be here – including you!
All we have is time and process. If we pay attention and choose to focus our goal on complete healing so that we can thrive, life becomes an adventure and a delight, instead of a job.
Everything makes sense and more can be enjoyed and lived when we are conscious and attend to everything along the way. Trying to deny or avoid what is occurring breaks us down, and causes life and health to disappear more each day.
Living the higher teachings of spirit and the messages of the masters in all traditions helps us break through the illusions of this worldly life. Life is only as good or bad as we allow our mind to tell us. The truth is everlasting love and possibilities for all of us.
Learn to meditate and self-reflect and choose what works and does not work for you each day, and live your truth. It is more important for you to love and accept you first and then you will enjoy others.
I have refined the work through these four years and have made it easily accessible to people of all ages and walks of life. I am still exploring more possibilities making the process simpler and easier and going deeper, and realize I always will.
I look forward to sharing the journey to a fulfilled life, healing, love and freedom, and the many profound simple and direct pathways with you in books, classes, sessions and more. Thank you for your patience in reading this. May this story help encourage you with your story and life.
In Love and Grace,
Janet StraightArrow, Live the Power of You!