In school I was shy and quiet and very insecure. I did not see where I fit in and many students, teachers and even my sister, made fun of me year after year. You might not believe that but it is true. Underneath I was suzy sunshine and had great hopes and dreams but it was in and out like the sun depending on what was going on in my life. School was painful. Childhood was day after day of illness, pain and slowly watching my dear father die.
Crying often as he was rushed to the hospital with another episode that might not bring him home was the constant. At fifteen I was pretty sick, depressed and in pain through out my body as well. The doctor said I was following my father and might not live as long.
I woke up to life then and began to make healing choices. First change was in my mind saying, no! I reclaimed life for me and did everything I could to change my path. I studied nutrition and changed my eating. I studied Edgar Cayce and learned that we lived many lives and had many lessons and could heal naturally on many levels. This made perfect sense to me and was quite a relief to learn and remember at that point.
I was raised Roman Catholic and I understood the higher teachings of Jesus speaking universal truth and began my inner journey to freedom and spirituality and healing beyond the limitations of the church.
Ten years later I was married to my high school sweetheart. Both being first born children in our families we were quite the achievers. We conceived our first daughter Paula the same week we decided to open our Title Insurance Company. Today she is President of her own Title Insurance Company-go figure.
When she was almost a year old her father wanted to buy me a new Porsche. I had an old one several years before that we bought for $1,000 and sold for $1000 a year later. I loved driving that car.
A new 911 SC Porsche was $28,000 that year 1978, the color was chocolate brown – yum. It was the same price as our first home we bought in 1972. Since it was a high performance car that was likely to assist us both in losing our drivers licenses, I said he could buy it only if we raced it in road racing tracks with the Porsche Club.
As look back at this time I realize it is quite unusual and that my husband was a lucky guy to have such a demanding adventurous wife. LOL. This journey of car racing was natural to me. I dove in and so did my husband.
I was tall and slender and had below waist blond hair and could change all four street tires to racing slicks in record time. I loved being outside waiting for my turn to drive, watching the skies and feeling the breezes when I took moments from being focused on the track.
Discipline and patience were developed here. We were there from seven-thirty to eight in the morning to after six at night and then needed to clean up and put everything away before a late dinner. Sometimes it was hot, boiling hot and I learned to wear hats to protect myself from headaches.
As a Shaman I live in many realities, and I also have lived in many realities in this body and life. As I have looked back at my life I remembered what it was like being in a racecar. It was the best meditation I ever had.
I was one hundred percent focused on everything in and around me. Having a car driving one hundred sixty miles per hour in the straightaway and often at least sixty miles per hour in the turns, with cars up and down the track trying to get around you, you stay awake.
Once I put on my fireproof suit, gloves, socks, shoes and helmet I was in another world. I raced on Pocono Raceway, Watkins Glen, Bridgehampton and Lime Rock many weekends of six years. I stopped racing when I was no longer one hundred percent focused or interested, as I knew that was asking for an accident to occur and endangering many lives.
This was fun and something few young mothers would even think of let alone do. I became pregnant with Lisa my second daughter, the first month we began racing. I did not tell my doctor what I was doing as I knew he would tell me to stop.
I felt safe and alive while on the racetrack and knew that as long as I trusted my feelings and stayed awake I would be perfectly okay. That was divine trust and total surrender.
I nursed Lisa in the pits in between races the second year. She slept through roaring engines coming into staging easily. In later years she loved Nascar and looked into working for them, as she was a Sports Marketing and Management Major.
Being one hundred percent aware of everything and everyone helped me deepen my journey in all aspects of life. There was a lot to be aware of to stay safe and know your other drivers and cars as well as your own.
Paying attention to the conditions of the racetrack, especially in the rain and after someone had an accident and spilled oil all over, it was important to learn how to navigate safely and know your limits. Even with clean up it was still a risk and something to pay attention to.
Being a woman in a higher class of racing had its fun and challenges as well. I began slowly learning each step before adding all the speed, which was not the testosterone normal. I remember my first run a month after buying the car my instructor was embarrassed that I was not going fast on those first laps and runs.
He was more concerned as to how he looked to other drivers and instructors than my safety and learning. I suggested that since it is my car and life I would listen and learn and allow speed to build with my ability. I told him if that does not work for him he could get out and I will get a new instructor.
I was StraightArrow even then, and no longer the shy schoolgirl. Developing myself and my skill in this high stress, high focus and challenge, life or death sport, moved me deeply into myself, increased confidence and was tremendous fun.
I was raised to do and be everything without limits as the first born in my family. As a girl both of my parents wanted me to live the life they never could and they encouraged me. I never did accept that women were less than men and enjoyed this sport and pushed my limits with each run.
When the men became competitive, on the track and off, I had an experience of sexism and instead of taking it personally, I understood it, and became friends with all of them. I enjoyed talking and laughing with them in between runs, and just kept on the way I always did. This encouraged mutual support on and off the track which kept us all safe.
Trusting myself and my innate knowing allowed me to excel and experience deeper learning and skill. I also knew my limits and kept my hormones and ego in check. Racing Porsches awakened my life and self love skills developing awareness and self-confidence and compassion in many ways.
Our entire life is a spiritual journey if you live it that way. Loving and developing yourself is the most important job you have. Meditating can be anywhere or anytime, not just focused on God but on being fully alive and present and loving.
What I learned in the world of car racing was invaluable and an important part of my personal spiritual journey of awakening.
What has helped you grow and develop and become more loving, present and true?
Appreciate your own journey and allow it to take you home to you every step of the way.
Blessings and Joy!
Enjoy the Journey,
Be The Medicine, Live the Power of You!